Dear Me, This is you in the future. only advice i can give you, LISTEN TO YOUR PARENTS!! YOU DONT KNOW SHIT YET! love older me.  - James

Party even more! – Sue

Get over the Bad Boy infatuation FASTER! – Hillary

You are a way bigger deal than you give yourself credit for. Also: take voice lessons. – Peter

Dump her. – Steve

Buy Apple & don’t throw out all of those old comic books… – Craig & Jeff

Don’t let people stop you from going after you dreams! Even if it is “the one you love” – Laura

GO TO COLLEGE!!!!! – Celeste

Save as much money as you are bringing in and never spend more than you have. Go to every class in college. No half assing it!!! – Rachel

Only listen to advice from true mentors. If dont have one, find one. – Greg

When you move to Austin in 8 years, buy stock in Dell Computer  - Thom

   This person UR madly in love w/right now…there will be at least 20 more just       like him/her in your life…follow YOUR dreams – Traci

After all is said and done, your true friends will always reveal themselves. – Liz

Trust your instincts. They’re better than you think. – Mindy

Experience everything fully… the good and the painful. It will make you a          resilient, strong person. – Lori

Always do what you love… – Carla

Pay more attention to detail in the entrepreneurial class you’ll one day take. –      Mike

Let life teach you through your experiences and network. The more you do, the more you get. – Caleb

Find a good therapist, NOW. – Jamie

Throw caution to the wind.. discover your passion & immerse yourself in that.. embrace the joys of living & dismiss the haters – Steve

Love fully.  Laugh often. Do not be afraid to cry. Smile at strangers. Do not be afraid to make mistakes, but always learn from them.  Never let the ones you love doubt how you feel about them. Understand and accept that life is going to take you through detours and roadblocks, but the only thing that matters is enjoying & learning from the journey.  Live a life of integrity.  No regrets.  Let compassion, tolerance and determination be your guiding principles.  Find your passion and hold onto it through everything.  Love Yourself.  - Me …

I started wearing glasses in 2nd grade.  The day I got them, my world changed – for the better and for the worst.  Finally I could see signs, the blackboard in school, the TV without sitting on top of it…colors and shapes were finally clear!   But, like most things in life, there is a flip side.  Imagine the little girl who is the shortest in the class, is smart, shy, is always the “new” girl because her military family moved often and she wears glasses!  Fast forward a few years and add braces.  Children are cruel.  We can just leave it there.  Everyone knows how that story ends.

Thanks to genetically poor eyes, I spent as much time in the optometrist office as at the dentist.  If I went a year without a change (always stronger) in my glasses prescription it was a long time.  The average was every six months.  Until I was 13.  I can not remember the doctor’s exact words, but I remember the meaning… If I did not start wearing contacts, there was a good chance I could be legally blind by the time I was 30.   Do not ask me the science behind it, but I vaguely remember him explaining something about the effect of contact lens on slowing down the deterioration of my eyes.   Being 13, I had pretty much tuned out the explanation behind why, I only heard that I was FINALLY going to not have to wear my glasses!   And contacts it has been pretty much ever since!   I went from wearing standard hard lenses (pretty much the only choice 33 years ago) to GPR – gas permeable lenses.  Those wonderful throw away soft lenses were never meant to be for my needing significant correction eyes, but that’s ok.

  That little girl grew up to realize that I could be as pretty and cool with my glasses as without,     but the effect the contact lenses had on both my vision and my self-esteem was significant.       Did I still get teased about being short, smart, shy… Sure I did, but at least with my contacts, “four-eyes” was one less taunt that I heard.

flowers

romance

dancing with wild abandon  

catch up talks with my sons

time with friends that does not involve something work related

time with myself

work I love instead of work I do because  I need the money

long walks alone & with a special someone holding my hand

laughter

optimism

taking pictures

travel

making time to read for fun

smiles

hugs

I could probably add 100 other things to this list, but if I am going to have any of them, better to start small and surprise myself with my successes.  So what are the things you need more of?  How can I help you get them?

Yes, the scans are uncomfortably revealing.  It is inconvenient to have to take off our shoes, take out our electronics, empty our pockets and reduce our liquids to small amounts.  No, it is not fun and feels a bit invasive to be patted down.

That is the point!  How else do you expect them to be able to identify potentially harmful substances or objects and keep them from getting on the plane. You will be a whole hell of lot more uncomfortable, inconvenienced or feel violated when someone blows up the plane or takes it hostage and crashes it into a building.

It sucks but it is the reality of our world today.  It also infuriates me that the people complaining today are likely to be among the first one starting an uproar that not enough was done to protect us when something bad happens.  Grow up and realize that sometimes we have to make sacrifices for safety.

She wrote a post today that touched me so deeply.  I started commenting on her blog and two paragraphs in realized that my comments could end up being as long as her blog post.  So time to move my thoughts on to my own blog.

In her post (which you absolutely MUST read!), Cecily talks about “Sometimes I feel like I’m just cut from different cloth than most of the other moms I know.” and “…I still feel sometimes like I just don’t get it.”   That feeling that we, as mothers (or fathers for that matter) are just not the same as the other parents out there, so we question whether we are the ones doing something wrong.

Every mother feels this way and the ones who say they don’t are Stepford Wife robots. Or have the money to pay someone else to parent their kid.   I know I feel that way every single day.

I have made choices as a mother that have been laughed at, frowned upon, questioned and a whole lot worse.  I have been told that I am not really a mother because I made the decision that my sons were better off living with their father.  I have been accused of abandoning my sons.  Want to find a way to make a mother feel like she just doesn’t get it?  Tell her that her sons will never grow up right because  she is not a daily part of their lives.  – Just stab me in the heart why don’t you?

I have been far from a perfect parent but I treasure every moment of uniqueness, honesty, openness and sometimes just plain weirdness with my kids.  Best of all, I know they do too.

It took until they were older for my sons to express that they were mad at me for choices I had made.  For some of those choices their anger and disappointment was justifiable.   But throughout the sorrow (and guilt – massive amounts of guilt!) that their words spurred in me,  I knew in my heart that it was my uniqueness, my honesty, my openness throughout their lives that gave them the ability and freedom to express those emotions and work with me to move past the feelings.

My sons and I have very unique relationships.  Relationships that seem odd to most people.  We don’t necessarily talk every day.  I often find out things in their lives at the last minute.  I am not there for every scraped knee, trip to the ER or to calm nerves before a date.  Yet, I am always there.  I am there in the way they walk, talk and sing at the top of their lungs in the car (like I do). I am there in the voracious way they absorb information, in their love of music, theatre, movies, books, photography, writing, gardening and all of the other things I have a passion for that they have learned to love.  I am there in their patriotism.  I am there in their compassion and caring for others.  I am always there.  While I may not have been there every moment, I tried my hardest to make every moment that I was there count.   To try my hardest to make sure that they always knew they were loved and that they knew right from wrong.

I may not have been the perfect “Donna Reed” mother.  I may not have been the one making their lunches every day, driving car pool or tucking them in every single night.  What I have been is a woman who was not afraid to show her children that she was not perfect.  More importantly, I showed them that they did not need permission to not be perfect.   The one lesson that I hope my children have learned is that it is not only ok to be unique, to follow your heart, to pursue your passions, but that as long as you are kind, compassionate, thoughtful and never intentionally hurt anyone, it is absolutely preferable.

Although I have a life surrounded by joy, I am ready…

Although I have no need for validation from another, I am ready…

I am ready to again be in love.  To be held in the calming embrace that is knowing I mean the world to another.   Ready to see the world through the eyes of another.  Ready to wrap another in the warmth that is my love and affection.  Ready to once again walk hand in hand, share the smiles that speak shared secrets and stories.  Ready for the longing glances across crowded rooms that say, I am yours and I want you.

Ready, finally, to share all that my heart has to give

So, why am I considering leaving?   Because as much as I love this city, as much as I want to do for the community here, I am starting to feel that I can no longer make a difference.

Most of you know that  I am actively involved in the tech/creative/social media/entrepreneurial communities here in Philly.   I give of my heart, soul, energy and a tremendous part of my time to building and promoting the community.  I support multiple organizations in this community.  I freely and willingly give this time and effort.  I do it because I believe in this city and the community we are building here.  I believe in some simple ideals -

• That we can and must build a unified tech/creative/social media/entrepreneurial community
• That the community working together is infinitely stronger than the divided silos that we are currently allowing to emerge
• That the community is capable of doing great things and making great strides in all sectors of the city, including the government.
• That if you are going to proclaim to lead under a banner of building community, that you must work all inclusively  to build that community for the benefit of all of its members

To others, these may seem to be optimistic and possibly naive ideals, but I firmly believe in them. I believe in the power that actions taken to further these ideals have to truly make a difference for this community and the city as a whole.  Which brings us to one of the reasons why I am thinking about leaving Philly …

There are others in this community who believe in the same ideals.  Who truly believe that being a leader in this community must be a selfless endeavor.  While we all have motivations that involve building our businesses and our personal and professional reputations, the overriding motivation as a leader must be the growth and progression of the community and its members.  It can not be about only promoting and working for a clique.   Unfortunately, in my opinion, there are too many leaders in this community who have not embraced these ideals.  Too many individuals who are vocal about promoting these ideals, but whose overall actions are contradictory to their alleged aims. Those who are looked up to as leaders when they fail to lead by walking their talk.  It saddens me deeply that the obstacles of ego, infighting, immaturity, and elitist behavior are standing in the way of the miraculous things we, as a unified community, can do in this city and this region.   It also bothers me that the efforts of many good people, who put tremendous effort into trying to make good things happen in this city are overshadowed by the loud voices of a few who have repeatedly demonstrated that they are more likely to talk than to truly act.   When the acknowledged (and vocal) leaders of the community work more to promote division than coordination and cooperation, we can not achieve the things we are possible of achieving.  Because I am seeing an acceleration in these types of instances and a growth in the “us versus them” mentality, I am losing faith that any of my efforts are capable of making the differences that I and others are committed to.  When the visible leaders of the community are not the ones working the hardest to improve the quality of the entire community and seem to be actively working on dividing the community for their own aims, the hardest efforts of those behind the scenes become more difficult.

Which then leads me to another of the reasons, I am considering leaving Philly…

I entered this community and started my business here based on one primary ideal

That you must always do the right things for the right reasons

So that is what I have done.   I have worked hard to build my business, but in hindsight, nowhere near as hard as I have, and continue to, work for the good of this community.  I have given a significantly disproportionate amount of time, energy and money into work, events and support of this community and its organizations when compared with the time I have spent on business development.  I will be the first to admit that my motives while primarily altruistic were not 100% so.  A lot of the things I have done have given me access and exposure to the people who were my target market and who could help me grow my business.  But I always came back to the same over-riding principle – do the right things for the right reasons – and for me that meant using the time and resources at my disposal to do the best and most I could for the community.   I would love to be saying that karma has paid me back and things are booming in my business, but that is not the reality.  I am paying for having spent more time on the community than I have on building my business.   The saddest part of all of this is that the very community that I have worked so hard to help is the community that is my target market.  They are the ones who could have most benefited from my services.  Instead, I chose to give away much of my time and energy.   I made my choices based on a love for and a deep belief in this community.  I will live with the fact they were not wise choices.  Will live with the knowledge that had I been more selfish and worked a bit harder on directly building my business rather than putting so much time and energy into supporting and building the community, my business would be in a much different position than it is currently.  I comfort myself knowing in my heart and soul I was living by my creedo – do the right things for the right reasons.  I will never regret any of the actions I took and given the choice, would probably take them again because they were the right things to do. For now, I must live with knowing that making those choices have put me into a financially precarious position and that I may not be able to continue the efforts that mean so much to me. That is heartbreaking. Maybe it is the military upbringing, but for me having to chose between doing what is right for myself over what is right for the many (the community), I will always choose what is right for the many.  So unless someone steps up and is willing to start subsidizing all of my community building efforts, I may have no choice but to step away.  Unfortunately stepping away means giving up my business, leaving this city and community that I love so much.

Add both of the things I have talked about and some pretty tumultuous personal events and I am left with a very heavy heart.  Left wondering if my time in Philly is due to come to an end.  Wondering if it is time to say enough – that I have put myself in a position where I can no longer financially, physically and emotionally afford  to make the difference I truly want to make.   Wondering if the obstacles standing in the way of the progress of this community can be worn down sufficiently to allow this city to become the world class tech/creative/entrepreneurial hub that it should be.   And wondering have I been wrong all along?

I am not a quitter.  I believe in this community.  I love this city.   In my heart of hearts I do not want to leave.  But all of these things certainly make me wonder if it is time.  So, my dear readers, I ask you.  Has it all been worth it?  Is it achievable?  Have my and others personal sacrifices been worth it?  How can I continue to do what I know in my heart is right? More importantly, should I?


So for the small price of $20 (in advance or $25 at the door) you get to have fun on an exciting scavenger hunt, take advantage of some great drink specials provided by our participating bars – National Mechanics, Sugar Mom’s  & Triumph, maybe win a great prize and help raise money that will be used to make a real difference in the world.  So please, buy your tickets now, encourage your friends and family to get theirs and help us spread the word!  Thank you in advance for your generosity!  Looking forward to seeing you all there.

Feel free to send on this email, retweet our tweets (@phltwestival) or shout the news from the mountaintops.  Here are all the links.  Please share them!

http://philadelphia.twestival.com/
http://twitter.com/phltwestival
http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?eid=355155460999&ref=ts

A series of events transpired over the last few months that have pushed me to and past my limits – mentally, physically, financially and emotionally.  Topping off a series of happenings that were, at best annoyances and at worst, troubling, was a personal attack on my professional (and personal) reputation.  The events leading up to this person sullying my name are deeply personal, involve other people and are not ones I choose to share in a public forum, at least not at this time.  Fortunately, I can say with a clear heart and mind that nothing in my actions were worthy of the things being said about me.  There were certainly not worthy of my livilihood and reputation being damaged by this person’s careless and cruel words.  If it was not bad enough that these horrible things were being said within the community where I do most of my business, the fact that they reached clients and potential clients ears and actually caused me to lose business was devastating.  Combine the hurt, the anger, the confusion, the financial fear and the heartbreak of being called “disloyal”, “untrustworthy” and “manipulative” and I have been an emotional and mental wreck.  Which made it tough to handle the work I did have and has further risked my company’s future.

I desperately tried to rise above the turmoil that was brewing around me.  Tried my best to deal with the people involved in the situation and calm the waters.  Made increasingly intense pleas to them to end the talk and help me resolve the situation.  All to no avail. Each day became more of a struggle.  The hurt, anger and desperation increasing the distraction and the depression.  The situation continued to escalate over about a six week period.  Until finally a few days ago, I lost it.  I lashed out publicly on Twitter against the person involved.  I posted a few tweets that caused my friends to be seriously concerned.  Concerned enough that I got multiple direct messages, emails and phone calls wanting to know if I was alright and expressing concern over the impression that I was making with the things I was saying.  In my indignation, hurt and anger, I had lowered myself to the level of the person who was causing me so much pain.   Unfortunately, I was too wrapped up in my own emotions to clearly see how my own actions were hurting me, more so than the one I was trying to lash out at.

My friends’ reactions and an actual look in the mirror brought it swiftly and scarily to my attention.  Who was this vindictive woman?  Who was this woman who only felt a need to make someone hurt?  That was not me!  I am not a person who seeks revenge.  I am not a woman who would ever intentionally hurt anyone else.  Yet, here I was attempting to do exactly that.  It was a frightening realization to discover that I had allowed the mean and petty actions of another person to cause me to be mean and petty.  I had allowed myself to let someone else have control over my life and my reactions to the things occurring around me.   I was horrified at my realization.

I am not a perfect person by any means.  I make mistakes, I do and and say things that I am later unsure of or not proud of.  We all do.  None of us is perfect.   But the one thing I always held most important was that I never do anything intentionally to hurt someone else.  Now I find myself in a position that I was willing to do just that.   The concern in my friends’ words were like a slap in the face.  The proverbial cold water that woke me to the blackness I had descended into.  I owe them more than they will ever know.

So now that my mirrors have shown me the person I do not like, what do I do?  I try to rise above.  I grasp each rung on the ladder they (my dear friends)  threw down into the pit I had allowed myself to fall into.  I try to center myself, to get back to the person I know I am or at least try my best to be – a kind, loving, forgiving, open-minded person, who believes in the best in all people.  I detoured down the low road. I’m not proud of it. I am sorry for it.  Now the only thing I can do is work on restoring my own self-esteem and find my way back up.   Back to the high road I attempt to go.   With a new mantra to keep me company – Success and Happiness are the goal – And the best revenge.

What do you do when you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see?